Please just back off with the unsolicited advice

If I ever get to the stage where my kids are grown and I therefore think I’ve become a Parenting Expert who gets to give you unsolicited and dogmatic advice when all you want is to be left alone to figure it out yourself, give me a good slap. Because I’ll bloody deserve it.

Last night, on a very rare night out for an extended family member’s birthday, I found myself surrounded by a group of moms, all of whom have children older than my girls. This seemed to make them think they had the right to tell me that I should be potty training the twins NOW and that the “problem” is that I’m not ready.

Let me be clear: I am always grateful for advice given in response to me asking for help. I may not necessarily follow the advice, or I might adapt it to suit my needs, but if I’ve asked for advice then I’ll graciously accept it.

But last night was supposed to be a fun night out, not a Netmums session. I didn’t ask for the advice, and I didn’t want it. The reason I didn’t want it is because I’ve already made the decision not to potty train the twins yet. They’re not even two yet and show no signs of being interested in progressing out of nappies. I don’t find nappies a chore and I’m in no rush. With the Terrible Twos already proving extremely challenging, why would I want to add to the stress by potty training them at the same time? I also feel like I’ll know instinctively when they’re ready, and I think it will coincide with the time when they can actually communicate their needs. They do talk, in that lovely toddler way, but only in single words, none of which involve, “Mommy, I hate this nappy, can I use the potty/toilet please?”

What really got my back up was the way they laughed at me when I tried to explain my decision (which I shouldn’t even have to do). It was a laugh that said, “Ah haha you have so much to learn little one! Oh you naive young thing, I’m such an experienced parent but you are a mere fledgling!” They’re the perfect parents of course.

Don’t get me wrong; I know I need to crack this nut before they start school. But they won’t start school for over two years. They’ll start pre-school in just over a year, so maybe I’ll think about it in six months or so, but honestly, I’d be ok if they’re still in nappies when they’re three. The point is, I don’t want the transition to be stressful if I can help it, and I want it to come from them, rather than from me.

Maybe they were well-meaning. Maybe they didn’t mean to annoy me. Maybe they’re even right! But I really would prefer to be left alone to figure it out for myself, unless I’ve asked for help!

My Kid Doesn't Poop Rainbows
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7 thoughts on “Please just back off with the unsolicited advice

  1. I haven’t done it but from what I know about potty training it is NOT THAT FUN. Surely it is very sensible to wait until the child can communicate their needs before dealing with carpet poos???

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  2. I completely, completely agree. Some of my family members work with children, but don’t have their own, and these are the ones who give me advice I don’t give a shit about, and who will – of course – be the greatest ever parents because they are all perfect at childcare!

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  3. My mum has been going on and on about potty training my lad and it’s driving me bonkers. Just let me get on with it when we’re ready! I agree, if I want advice or opinions I’ll ask. You don’t need to mention it every week for 6 months ffs. Bog off, everyone please 😁
    #fartglitter

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  4. As if there isn’t enough pressure already to do things ‘perfectly’. I’m due with my first in 5 months and the unsolicited advice, mostly from people who have never had kids, is already getting on my nerves, so throw in the stress of two toddlers and I don’t know how I’d handle it! Sounds like you’re doing a great job though and you can’t beat your own intuition. #FartGlitter

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  5. Oh gosh, I am so glad you didn’t feel the need to rush home and start potty training. NG is 3 in July and we have JUST started properly – with very, very limited success. I don’t think she’s ready. She’s our first and I have no idea what I’m doing really but you have to trust your instincts, don’t you? Just go with your own intuition and you won’t do anything wrong – you’re doing brilliantly!

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  6. ARGHHH people commenting on potty training. Boils my blood. I did a similar post. My boys are just about there and they are nearly 4. They were definitely not ready at 2, when I had likeminded comments flung my way. Go with your instinct, you know your children best πŸ™‚ #fartglitter

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  7. Oh man why is it as soon as you are pregnant EVERYBODY decides to give you advice, whether you asked for it or not?! I think potty training should definitely wait until they are totally ready otherwise you end up making life much harder for yourself and the children! One of my nieces wasn’t ready I don’t think and they had months of accidents and bribing and it just seemed ridiculous, I really think if they’d have waited it may have fared better. Obviously I didn’t get involved though as its their decision!! Definitely stick to what you want to do. #fartglitter

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